I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
