Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
