I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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