Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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