btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
