So drunk its hurt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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