Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
