remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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