im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
