Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
