I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize