I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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