Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
