Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
