there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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