he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
