My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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