I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
