Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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