i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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