i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
