I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
