the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
