He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
