just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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