I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you will always have a special place in my vag
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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