3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
