I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
