You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
