guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Watching her eat just hurts me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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