Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
