We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
