i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
