I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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