im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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