Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
