4 words: hood of his car
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
