it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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