Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
