He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
