i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
