Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
