should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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