Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
