on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
