Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
