my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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