It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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