I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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