so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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