If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
