After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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