well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
