My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
