I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
