even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
