When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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