So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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