The maid of honor just puked.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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