If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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