she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
