Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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