I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
