wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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