Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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