Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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