OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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