It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
