Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
