Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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