She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Operation Purity has been aborted
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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