just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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