It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
