so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
