so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
