My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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