So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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